It’s my very last semester of high school and I must say time honestly flew by so quickly. So much has changed over the years and especially over last summer. I would have never expected to see myself in this position. I can’t say I’m at my best but I’m doing better, and I’m trying really hard to maintain happiness/motivation, and getting to where I want to be. I may slack here and there but I won’t let my set backs get the best of me - or at least I hope I don’t. I don’t know, I’m really anticipating and anxious to see how this year will pan out.
It’s a scary thought. By the end of this year, I’m going to be a completely different person - status wise. Right now, I’m 17 and in highschool, by the end of this year I’ll be 18 and in college. It may be only a step higher but it’s a huge difference, really. God knows who I’ll end up being but I only hope I’ll be a better me. I think about it a lot too. I don’t even know if I’ll still be in the bay because I haven’t decided whether I want to move out or not, if I could.
If there was one place I could move to, it would be San Luis Obispo because I am in love with the environment and atmosphere over there. It makes me so angry and bitter over the fact that I was unable to apply to cal poly slo because of my mom; I have so much bitterness towards her for that but I guess I understand her reasoning. Well actually, I don’t but what can I do about it now. Anyways, I’ll most likely still be around here but a part of me feels the need to let go of everything over here and start off fresh somewhere else. But I honestly can’t do that so easily. I have the best people I could have ever asked for, living here, I have a great job, the best weather; you know what they say, ‘when you have a good thing, don’t let it go’. Hmm.
School, work and now badminton have been the only three dominating my mind lately. Starting next week, I’ll be working 4-5 days a week, going to badminton practice/workouts every weekday, while having school and a social life to juggle. I’m glad I’m keeping myself busy, it’s my choice to be doing so much. But if only people knew why I like to maintain such a hectic schedule. I don’t do it just because I’m bored and have nothing else to do; that may be my reason I give out to people but it most certainly isn’t the truth.
I don’t know, trying to keep yourself occupied and motivated is a really hard job. It’s really up to no one else except you and you need to maintain self-discipline in order to keep moving forward. I just hope that all of this will pay off one day. And that maybe life will finally provide me with something that will take my breath away, give me more of a reason to keep doing what I do, live, love - smile. I’m trying my best to be as patient as I can. God knows how hard I’ve been praying and asking for something to come along. But I’ll keep in faith, trust. He has something great for me, I know it.
